Life in One Short Month

Life has been so crazy lately, and I can't even describe it. Life has been hard, frustrating, unfair, exciting at times, and unbelievable. In the last month that I haven't been on here, I've lost a friend due to a car accident, saw a very important someone who I've missed so much (even though I saw her this past summer, but that feels like forever ago), have endured a lot of physical and emotional pain, and have gone to the ER more than the average person should. Out of all these hardships and leaps and bounds, I've stayed strong.

I went to my friend, Greg's, viewing and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do or see. I did not see myself saying goodbye to a friend like that and I hope that I don't have to do that ever again. My heart is at ease right now because of his mom's story. His mom told me that he wasn't alone. There was a woman who witnessed the accident. She went over to Greg, saw that he was gone, sat in his damaged car, held his hand, and prayed over him. She didn't know his name, how old he was, where he was from, nothing. She didn't even know what to do...other than pray real hard. I am relieved that he wasn't alone even if he passed suddenly. I know Greg is in a better place. He's happier than he ever would be on Earth, and he's in good hands. He's safe. He's loved and missed so much.

Over Fall Break, I went to my stepmom's house. I only get to see her but once a year if that, but I'm so glad that I've gotten to see her 3 times now (and a 4th time over Christmas Break). I miss her every day and love her more than she'll ever know. It was a very emotional weekend while I was there because of my seizures and finding out that Greg passed away, but I did have fun with her. I'm so glad she's there for me to this day, even after years of her and my dad being divorced. Many people think it's quite weird that I still talk to her, but no one else matters. Tammy's one of my best friends and she's still my "mom" no matter what the papers say, no matter what people say, no matter what. I love her so much and I miss her terribly.

This past Monday, I had at EEG done, and I won't know anything until tomorrow afternoon. I hope I at least get SOME questions answered. I'm tired of all the pain, all the tests, all the ER and hospital visits, all the bruises from the IVs put in me, all the blood work, all the medications I get put on, being scared out of my mind, getting sick, being "sick", everything! No one should go through 3 years of pain, 3 years being scared to sleep or do anything, 3 years of tests after same tests, 3 years of not knowing what's wrong with you. But I'm not going to give up. I refuse to give up without a fight, and I fight the pain everyday. I'm strong because the people around me make me strong and give me courage to keep fighting.

..............................to be cont.......................