"It's ok to share the load" thanks KRay!

This week has just been plain out awful, I won't lie. It's been one of those kinds of weeks where I just can't put a smile on my face for long. I passed out on Monday because I couldn't eat since I had back-to-back classes from 9:00-3:00 without a lunch break. I passed out in my dorm room and totally skipped my voice class in order to go to lunch. Then on Tuesday, I passed out in Jackie's and Paige's dorm room. I thought it was my blood sugar, but it wasn't. The paramedics thought it was something else so I agreed to go to the emergency room (which when I got there I knew it was a bad decision). They told me it was a seizure and so was the blackout I had on Monday. I still don't think it was a seizure. I know my body. The ER doctor also told me that none of my other health problems were a factor which was totally wrong because I was having an asthma attack in the middle of me passing out. Usually when I have a seizure, I don't remember anything and I'm violently shaking. They just now are figuring out that I have seizures. They believe the day I passed out in January of 2008 at school and the day I passed out back in May of this year at the Senior Bonfire, was a seizure (and again, I don't remember what happened and I was shaking violently). I remember passing out on Monday and Tuesday and I was shaking, like blood sugar shaking. I was weak and dizzy. It's just all frustrating. I haven't been to any of my classes since Tuesday, missed a Precal test yesterday, and I'm really far behind.

Today, I went to the doctor because I've been having really bad, sharp pains on my left side from my ribs all the way down to my hip bone and around my diaphragm. I did blood work (which they had to poke both of my arms and dig to get a vein...fun right? YEAH RIGHT!). My test came back negative for any stomach ulcers and I'll find out on Monday if anything is wrong with my liver. My doctor thinks that it's all the medicine I'm on so she took me off of the Naproxen and told me to double up on my Nexium. Just glorious! I've been scared that something like this was going to happen and they told me that it was "ok" to take all that medicine at once where it won't do any harm. YEAH RIGHT! No offense to any of the doctors I've seen (and trust me, I've seen too many), but I'm really sick of all the tests, x-rays, MRIs, blood work, IVs, just EVERYTHING! It'll be 3 years in October, I believe, that all of this has been going on. They've tested me for diabetes (negative), tumors (negative), heart problems (negative), ulcers (negative) EVERYTHING UNDER THE MOON! and it's all NEGATIVE! It's scary, frustrating, and just plain out tiring. All the doctor appointments, ambulance rides, Emergency Room visits, pass outs, asthma attacks, medicines, just everything. But you know? I've been hanging in there, staying strong, taking all the pain that goes with the tests and the everyday pain, trusting God and knowing that He's with me, and choosing to put a smile on my face acting like every thing's fine when it's not. My stepmom, Tammy, has told me so many times that it's amazing how much I've been through the last 3 years and in my whole life and yet, I still have a smile on my face and have enough strength to say, "I'm doing ok," to someone who asks how I am, even though I'm far from just "ok." I'm honestly terrible. I'm just blessed to have family and friends who are so supporting even though they have no idea what it's like going through all of this, but they try they're best to keep me sane and smiling while taking everything off of my mind. I'm really grateful to have 2 awesome teachers behind me as well. Not only were they my teachers back in high school, but also my best friends and I'm glad I can still call them my best friends. Yesterday, Mrs. Ray could tell that something was wrong other than me just being in pain, and she told me that even though it's hard to talk about, it's even better to share the load sometimes. So, I told her everything that was on my mind. Mrs. Ray and Mrs. Moore have been there for me so long and this week, they're the main ones (including my mom and grandma) who have kept me sane and made sure that smile on my face was kept in it's place and I thank them so much for that. They always know what to do to make me feel better. They both just crack me up even if it's only them tripping over their own 2 feet (one foot for Mrs. Moore haha long story). I'm just so glad I have them to go to.

This week has just been a roller coaster and I'm trying my best to stay on no matter how many times it goes up, down, and around. I choose to stay strong and have a smile on my face no matter how hard it is and how much it hurts. I'm just ready for this to be over with and right now, but I feel like it's not going to. Everyone keeps telling me that they understand and that everything will be "ok" when they truly don't understand until they're in my position and when they don't know if everything will be "ok". Not trying to be negative, but I feel like it won't ever be just "ok". I'm trying to stay positive and just not think about it, but it's very hard. I'm trying to stay patient and ready for anything, but if it's not one thing, it's another. BUT! I'm going to trust in God and know that He is with me and that I will eventually be "ok".

I hope everyone has a great and restful weekend and a happy week to follow. Happy early "26th" Birthday KRay! YOU'RE SUCHA BAD LIAR! haha I will ALWAYS remember the day I found out how old you really are!...KRay: "Hey, Mariah! Could you go out to my car, girlfriend, so she can get those waters for FCA?" Me: "Yeah sure!" (me up to know good, you throw me your keys which you knew was a no-no after I came back!) I was just playing with your Velcro wallet on your keys and noticed your DRIVER'S LICENSE so I run back up to your room with Alana and we're just cracking up...KRay: "What are you laughing at, girlfriend?!?!" Me: "bahaha I know how old you are nah-nah-nah-nah-BOO-BOO!" KRay: "pshhh no you don't....OH CRAP YOU DO, you sneaky little thing you!" bahaha I love you and you totally make my day every time I see you! So have a HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! "Usually I tell my kids I'm 103!" love you, "GIRLFRIEND!" :)

"You say pickles funny TOO!"

Ok so the title of the blog is just a story by itself. Jackie and I ALWAYS pick on KRay because she says "pickles" SOOO funny with that cute accent of hers and Jackie's roommate, Paige has that same accent, so we told Paige to say "pickles" and she did it and Jackie and I rolled on the floor laughing while Paige looked at us like we were on crack sort of her KRay looked at me that one day in the car when I pointed out how funny she said "pickles". haha! but ANYWAY

Wow! I haven't updated in more than a week and I apologize. It's just been a very busy weekend and week at that! Let's see:

I went home this past weekend and had a lot of fun (minus Dakota being a brat, but what's new? lol). I watched some movies with my mom and just relaxed all weekend. Sunday night, we all went to my grandparents' house (who live right in front of me) to celebrate Amber's 21st birthday wahooo! :) And me and Jon-Ryan swore up and down that my grandma put mayonaise in that dang cake icing, but she said she didn't. We were still convinced that she did because it sure did taste like that and we were the only ones that tasted it haha! But anyway we had a blast!

I didn't go home until Tuesday morning which me and my mom were doing last minute shopping at 8:30 that morning. We went to Kohls to get me some jeans and a shirt and then to CVS here across from the campus to get some groceries. I was like 3 minutes late to my chorus class, but it was all good.

This week has been SO TIRING! Tuesday was a pretty chill day until that night! My LA 100 class and I had dinner with President Whitson (she's the president of C^2 if you didn't catch that lol). She's just so awesome and very sweet AND funny! We all had a great time and took TONS of pictures! Then after the dinner I went with Jackie and Jessica to the USC campus to go to this church event called RUF. We met a lot of nice people and it was just a blast! Britton, the preacher I guess he was lol, looks and talks EXACTLY like KRay's husband, Lawrence. It kinda freaked me out a little lol, but he's a very nice and funny guy. After RUF we went to Marble Slab which I must say I envy USC students SO BAD! They have a Burger King, Chick-Fil-A, Taco Bell, Marble Slab, and a Pizza Hut in their 2 story cafeteria. I don't like Burger King, but still, I envy them JUUUSSTT A LITTLE BIT! lol We had a lot of fun though. OH OH OH! So when Jackie, Jessica, and I were coming back to C^2, it totally made our night because we saw a prostitute which was VERY DISGUSTING but funny nonetheless. That shows how "bad" the neighborhoods are over here, but I still love C^2. We also got to ride in a cop car. NO, we didn't get in trouble. We were just getting escorted from the parking lot to our dorms because it's like 2 blocks away from the parking lot where we have to park. So that was the first time we ever rode in a cop car which is a good thing of course! :)

Yesterday, was just plain out exhausting. I had 4 classes and chapel to go to so I was go-go-Mariah from 9:00-2:30 (that's including lunch MOM). I got to eat at 2:00 right after chapel, but that wasn't good considering I hadn't eaten since 8:00 that morning. On Mondays, I don't get a lunch break at all because I have 6 classes on that day and then on Wednesdays I don't get a lunch break until 2:00. So, I think I'm going to go to Dean Kelley and ask her if there's any way I could do community service with KRay instead of going to chapel because by the time 2:00 rolls around, my blood sugar is really low and I feel extremely weak which isn't good at all. I've already passed out here already so I don't need that to happen again. :/

Today, is just quite boring I must say except my chorus class this morning even though I was quite tired. Melissa had to go home yesterday afternoon because she has the flu so maintenance had to come in our room and disinfect everything. I have hardly even seen Melissa since Friday so I think I'm good. I was hardly even in our room yesterday and I feel fine so I'm pretty sure I'm ok :)

Well now, I'm off to do more HW! booo. I have a 1:30 music class today and then I'm coming back here and either sleeping or doing more HW. I guess it all depends on whether or not I finish my HW now lol. But I hope all of you are having a good week and I miss you guys and love yall so much! I'll see most of yall either at the Homecoming Game/5th Quarter tomorrow night or at Chrysalis on Sunday night! :)

the elevator was amusing :)

Sick :(

Well I had to go home last night because I was sick and I didn't want to get my roommate sick if I was contagious (which I don't think I was...I'm pretty sure all it is is asthma and sinus junk since the temperature dropped). So I got some sinus medicine in me and I feel some what better. The only bad thing is that I couldn't really sing in chorus today :/

But anyway, classes are going good. Yesterday was my first day of my Precalculus 104 class and it went very well. Yesterday was a VERY lonnnggg day! I had 5 classes and a voice lesson, so technically I had 6 classes and didn't have a lunch break. I was in classes from 9:00 in the a.m. to 2:50 in the p.m. It wasn't fun at all! Then I went home and went up to the high school to run errands and came back to my house and took pictures and just relaxed since I didn't feel good.

Today, was a better day I guess you could say. I still don't feel so hot, couldn't sing that well in chorus, and didn't have an appetite. BUT OMGOSH! So I went to the bookstore to see if any of the rest of my books were in (which they weren't booo), but I DID get my Casio calculator and can I just say, IT'S FREAKIN' AWESOME! ok yes, I'm a math nerd, this I know. You don't have to ask or question me on that! haha

Haha I'm watching a Jeff Dunham video (and if you've never heard of him or have never watched some of his videos, PLEASE DO they are HILARIOUS!). Well anyway, I'm watching the one Mrs. Moore was telling me about like 2 weeks ago about the prius. It's really funny and what makes it funnier is knowing that KRay HAS a prius! haha you HAVE to go watch it! (KRay that means you too...you'll totally love it!) here's the link: (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qP-tyvBGla4) :)

Well I'm going to cut it shorter than usual because I'm EXTREMELY tired and even though it's only 10:15, I'm going to bed!